How is March going for you? Are you having trouble making decisions? How is your love life??
“Could this be LOVE??” Hmm, that’s ALWAYS the question! No matter how many times I see clients for a Connection Beyond session, there is always a point where they ask about their love life! Young and older, it seems to be a category that sometimes baffles, amazes and evades us. Questions such as, “Is he/she the one?” “I’m single and I keep making the same mistake.” “He’s a nice guy, but…” “I’ve been married a long time, but I’m just not feeling it. Is there someone else out there for me?”
It seems that wherever we go in the world, true love is sought out and so is the fantasy of it. From advertisements, to movies and sappy song lyrics, we get our heads in the clouds thinking there is an end all be all. Problem is we expect a “perfect love”. What is perfect in the ideal sense is not the state of love that the partnership begins with, but evolves into it by the leaps and bounds that the two people WORK at it and are WILLING TO GROW INTO IT.
In my opinion, and it is ONLY an opinion, people give up and HEAD OUT way too soon. Did you ever hear the phrase, “Don’t quit 5 minutes before the miracle occurs?” Well, sometimes breakdowns in the relationship are really pivotal points to it’s growth. Eventually that feeling of “true love” comes to fruition. And yes, while there are those RARE instances where two people meet, fall in love and share 50 years of bliss, most of the time relationships take work, but the results will be worth it!!
Ok.. so, a friend of mine, let’s call him “Ed”, really inspired this inspirational message for this month. I was driving on a road trip for work and I usually spend some time catching up with friends, etc. So, as per our usual conversation, Ed calls with his weekly and/or monthly update on his love life. After months of watching him go through several misguided attempts and some bumps along the road, I started to see that he was playing out a little bit of a pattern and after attempting to give “a lot” of advice early on, I started to lose count of the who’s who in the chronicles of Ed, and just became a listening ear and support. It started to seem like the same story every time, just a different situation, and he knew other friends thought that way too.
So he started the conversation with, “I know you are going to think the same thing..”Ed is really into this girl, thinks she’s the one, THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT, blah blah blah.” And I’m like, “Yeah, probably”. He’s said, “I know. But I want you to just listen, THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT. I started to chuckle, because I knew of course this one WAS different (in name only). These relationships are usually like firecrackers, starting with extreme intensity and ending in a pile of dust after the grand finale! Then after the show, everyone just leaves the baseball field and goes home LOL. And then the cleanup crew is left with all the mess. Problem was Ed went home with the rest of the crowd too, and didn’t see any of it!
Let me preface this by saying that Ed is a great dude. He’s fiercely loyal once he commits to a woman, is both a sensitive and equally rational guy, and had enough hard knocks in life that he maintains a certain level of wisdom about the realities and expectations of a true relationship. So, I’m sure you’re thinking, “Wow, sounds like a great catch! What’s wrong with this dude?” Well I couldn’t figure it out either, but what he told me and what he went on to explain paved the way for some great content! I was extremely impressed and inspired by his plan and think he holds a little bit of a “secret” for men and women to know prior to getting into a serious committed relationship. This is definitely something you SHOULD look for, and EXPECT.
Ed went on to explain to me that even though he was looking for the “right one”, he still kept many of the wrong ones in the “background”. Some he kept on a string “just in case”, some were “plan B’s”, some were old flames that didn’t really amount to much, while others were those he wanted to “cross of the list”. There were even those that he had no interest in that were good to keep around when the ego needed a boost. And lastly. there were the few clinger on’s that just kept him feeling guilty and he told me he just “felt bad” cutting them off. So basically while meeting other people and beginning new relationships, Ed’s phone was a BARRAGE of texts, phone calls and facebook messages from women that were just not right for him. And he told me he just DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT even though he would start new relationships and want to start off on the right foot.
He suddenly realized that THIS woman was someone who was worth it, and that he didn’t want to screw it up. He realized that he was turning his phone on silent and/or covering it up getting anxious that one of these women would pop up on his phone when he was out with this woman he really cared about. He didn’t like feeling this way, and a moment of clarity came over him. He told me that since he really wanted to give this a fair shot, and since he wanted in 100%, that it wasn’t fair to keep the other lines of energy open and available, because it TAKES AWAY from their relationship. While subtle, this is very true. He just didn’t feel right, and if he was going to really put his all into this relationship, not only did he want to take it slow, but he wanted her to feel secure that there was no other woman, figuratively or energetically, messing with the connection.
So ONE BY ONE, he started to call each person and tell them in whatever way seemed right to him at the time that he was getting into a relationship and that the contact with him would change. Some understood, some didn’t, and surprisingly some were happy for him and wished him well. He didn’t tell the girl he was dating yet that he did this, but he was planning on it. He told me that no matter what the outcome was, this was something he felt he owed to himself to see if it was right without all the distractions of these other connections.
I was really surprised and proud of him, because this decision was not forced on him by a woman and he wasn’t pushed into it. He did it on his own terms because he felt it was the right thing to do. He realized that having these connections was not helping him connect on a deeper level with someone, because other connections were a distraction and in a sense took away from the new connection. He also realized this wasn’t fair to him or to the woman he was with. It started to renew my faith in people to do the right thing.
So many women, myself included, have been in or are currently in relationships where there were/are others in the background that just made things very uncomfortable. We are used to letting things go, and deal with things that we don’t want to be dealing with just so we could keep these relationships in our lives. We stop asking for what we want and accept so much less than what we require and what is of importance to us in partnerships. So many women come to me with this issue and don’t want their men to feel like they’re crazy, or don’t want to “push them away” by seeming jealous.
Note about this: your man/woman shouldn’t be putting you in situations that make you feel uncomfortable or jealous. Initially, you may feel that you are in the wrong, and you stick it out. Sooner or later you find out that you had every right to feel that way, because you were feeling an energetic disconnect when your relationship SHOULD BE THE PRIORITY.
This conversation renewed my faith that there are still people out there who will do the right thing without being coerced or told, and if your relationship is the priority, the person should want 100% of the experience, not 75% YOU and 25% outside distractions. Do not be afraid to state what you REQUIRE early on, because what you settle for you will ultimately receive, and you’ll be coming to someone like me asking what you are doing wrong. By that point, you’ll be emotionally attached and will have a hard time getting things to turn around in another direction. Don’t make things harder on yourself.
As for me, I have had a lot more male friends than female friends in my lifetime, and for the most part are on good terms with people I have dated. Being in my 30’s, most of these guys are married or in serious relationships and I don’t have the same contact with them I once did. And that’s ok, because these guys have wives and kids, and I understand that their significant others may not be too happy with daily contact or texts with other women. But some people don’t understand that, and see no issue with it. And that’s THEIR RESPONSIBILITY to fix, not yours. You shouldn’t have to monitor other women or men. You shouldn’t feel constantly anxious with other connections, and your partner should make you feel like you are NUMBER ONE period. If you give yourself away for less, well then you might want to take a look at that. Make a list of your absolute definites and MAKE THEM CLEAR from day one, especially when you both decide to get serious.
I asked my friend if I could write about our conversation in this message, and he was surprising excited. He said that if it makes one guy realize that he wants to do things another way, or inspires a woman to want something better, he feels it would be worth it!
So, thanks Ed for your inspiration and your commitment to taking some risks for someone you care about! I’m sure it will pay off. And I’m sure Ed will be happy if it pays off for some of you too 🙂
All my best,
NOW ONTO THE MINI MESSAGES FOR March 2013
Yes, these messages could be for ANYONE, and sometimes for more than just one of you. Spirit works in mysterious and amazing ways!
Sylvia: It’s time for a break and/or a VACATION! You are really starting to feel worn down and a little grumpy every day. It’s time to give to yourself. There is a Ann, Anthony or Toni connection in the living that could be a good person to connect or reconnect with!
Diane: Wow, your husbands dad on the other side wants you to know that he is very happy for how much care and love you give to his son. He is very happy the two of you are together and is mentioning an increase in finances or investments this year! Looks like a possible surprise of a sudden windfall of money will come to you! Will you buy a boat?? Hmm, who knows! But enjoy yourself, and don’t stop entertaining your friends. They need you just as much as you need them.
John on the other side wants to come through and acknowledge the new baby coming in (or already in the family). This is a granddaughter and he WILL BE at the Christening! He wants to acknowledge his son living and a MAR connection male. This could be a Mark, or Marty/Martin first or last name. He is mentioning old school music and singers and “Old Blue Eyes”. I believe it is his son who just had the baby, and he is thinking of his dad often. Know he is right there with you! And I smell shoe polish!!
Gwen/Gwendolyn There is something about homemade chocolate chip cookies coming through from someone on the other side, and some rare costume jewelry. The woman who passed was a little flamboyant and loved her broaches and shimmer! She also is mentioning her red “pumps” and lipstick that she wore even as she was older. She always looked VERY put together and the smell of light floral perfume that she would “spritz” the old style way is surrounding her. She is mentioning crocheting, and some hats that she would make. She also mentions a very valuable china tea set with landscape artwork on the porcelain. Someone has this set of hers and she wants you to take it out, display it and CLEAN IT, because, according to this lady, they are VERY valuable! She is glad she left her smaller diamonds with you as well!
Todd, get a move on! You are getting lazy and are not pursuing your creative endeavors. Start writing again!
Laurie/Laura/Lauren This seems like a younger girl or woman here in the living. They are saying to watch your weight and keep exercising and also to watch your driving, especially in the rear view mirror, always look before changing lanes and clean those windows! And someone on the other side is mentioning something about bowling. I believe this is a male and female coming through, husband and wife, and they husband loved bowling, and possibly had his own gloves and ball. I think he was in a league too, and was connected to the local VFW! They both send a lot of love to all the family!
Ok that’s all for now 🙂
Have a wonderful new energy January 2013!
Marisa Liza Pell